Distinct ways in which women and men communicate

According to Deborah Tannen, women and men communicate in distinct ways that are rooted in their different social roles. She calls these different styles of communication "genderlects." Speech patterns

• Women tend to use more "rapport-talk," which is focused on building relationships and connecting with others. They use more questions, tag questions, and hedges, which are words or phrases that soften their statements. They also use more backchannels, which are noises like "uh-huh" and "mm-hmm" that show they are listening.
• Men tend to use more "report-talk," which is focused on giving and receiving information. They use more direct statements, and they are less likely to use questions or hedges. They also use fewer backchannels.

Body language

• Women tend to use more open body language, such as facing the other person, making eye contact, and smiling. They also tend to touch others more often.
• Men tend to use more closed body language, such as crossing their arms or legs, and avoiding eye contact. They are also less likely to touch others.

Use of silence

• Women tend to be more comfortable with silence than men. They see silence as a way to show respect and to allow others to speak.
• Men tend to be more uncomfortable with silence. They see silence as a sign of awkwardness or disapproval.

Tannen argues that these different communication styles are established through childhood socialization. Girls are taught to be cooperative and to focus on relationships. Boys are taught to be assertive and to focus on achievement. These different lessons lead to the development of different communication styles. In my own upbringing, I was taught to be cooperative and to focus on relationships. I was encouraged to talk about my feelings and to listen to others. I was also taught to be polite and to avoid conflict. These lessons have shaped my own communication style, which is more similar to the "rapport-talk" style that Tannen describes. I can see how these different communication styles can lead to misunderstandings between men and women. For example, a woman who uses a lot of questions and tag questions may be seen as indecisive or weak by a man who is used to the "report-talk" style. A man who uses a lot of direct statements and avoids eye contact may be seen as rude or uncaring by a woman who is used to the "rapport-talk" style. It is important to be aware of these different communication styles and to be respectful of them. If we can understand how men and women communicate differently, we can avoid misunderstandings and build better relationships.

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